Of Scenes from a Play

The following are select scenes from the past five days. They will appear in chronological order.


SCENE ONE - In Which Our Hero Receives the Only Call of the Afternoon.

Interior. Good Humor Television Offices. Evening.

MICHAEL sits at his desk, waiting for phone calls. The PHONE rings.

Michael: Tom Werner's Office.
(LOUD CHEWING)
Michael: Hello?
(LOUD CHEWING)
VOICE: Ya!?
Michael: Hello?
VOICE: Ya.
Michael: ...Tom Werner's Office.
VOICE: May I speak to Marcy Carsey.
(Marcy Carsey is not in this office. In fact, she is never in this office.)
Michael: Hold on one second.
(Puts the phone on HOLD. Michael LEANS over to the next desk where another assistant, SCOTT, sits on the phone.)
Michael: I've got a guy looking for Marcy.
Scott: Who is it?
Michael: I don't know.
(Scott shrugs. Michael takes the guy off hold)
Michael: Hello?
(LOUD CHEWING)
Michael: Sir?
(LOUD CHEWING)
VOICE: Ya.
Michael: I can't reach her, can I take a message?
VOICE (speaking insanely fast): Ya, this is Jim *********, I wrote a western book and I wanna produce it into a movie.
Michael (writing this down): Alright, can I get your phone number?
(He gives it. The man is still chewing loudly right into the speaker.)
Michael: Thanks, I'll deliver the message.
(LOUD CHEWING)
VOICE: Great.
(The man HANGS UP.)

End Scene.

SCENE TWO - In Which Our Hero Overhears a Bickering, Elderly Couple.

Interior. Las Vegas Airport. Day.

Michael sits waiting for his plane to leave for Pittsburgh. He sits behind an ELDERLY COUPLE.

Man: You know what I... Are you listening to me?
Woman: Yes.
Man: You know what my rule is for reading?
Woman: Yes.
Man: If I don't like what I'm reading on th-
Woman: Yes.
Man: -plane I don't-
Woman: I know, you close the book and never open it.
Man: That's RIGHT.
Woman: You've told me this twice already. You've told me every time we've flown.

End scene.

SCENE THREE - In Which Our Hero Learns About His Past and the Rules of Letting Someone Tell a Story: Know the Ending.

Interior. Trolley Ride through Pittsburgh. Day.

A trolley is FILLED with family members. The eldest sit in the front, along with Howard Smith, Michael's father.

Howard: Their Grandfather died the night before and it's against Jewish tradition to cancel the ceremony, but they refused to have it anyway. Grandma and Grandpa got married in the Rabbi's study.
Aunt Marion (my great aunt): Yeah he (she mumbles, continuing the story)
Howard: Wait, here's the microphone.
(Howard hands the microphone to her to continue)
Aunt Marion: ...and he-
Howard: No, Aunt Daisy, start from the beginning. (to the rest of us) Aunt Daisy has a great story!
Aunt Marion: Oh...okay. Our grandfather woke up the day before the wedding and got dressed in his full tuxedo. I asked "where are you going?" and he said he was going to Lester's wedding! We said "Grandpa, that's tomorrow!"
(She tells this story rather deadpan, not emphasizing anything specific. The trolley laughs)
Aunt Marion: So grandpa undressed, went upstairs and died.
(Aunt Marion hands the microphone back to a very stunned Howard. Awkward silence. Half the trolley isn't sure what they heard. Then roaring laughter explodes from anyone under 90 in the trolley. The grandparents are confused.)

End scene.